Sometimes you just can’t leave. Maybe you’ve thought about it, weighed your options, or perhaps you know down to your core that this job isn’t right for you but still, there’s something keeping you there. Whether it’s the great pay, the flexibility, those awesome coworkers or the lifestyle your job provides – it’s important to you to keep this job, even if you’re not happy.
If you’re trying to figure out whether you can leave, remember that staying in a job you don’t love for valid reasons is different than letting fear stop you from going after what you want and making an improvement to your career. The person that stays for whatever reason is important to them is just as brave in facing the unhappiness everyday as those who decide to take a leap and make a big change.
Not everyone can make a career change whenever they want – and that’s okay, because there are things you can do to be happier at work when you can’t leave your job.
Consider your reasons for not leaving.
What does your job offer that benefits you in some way? What makes these benefits important to you? What does it mean to you to stay in this job? Identifying these reasons will give you something to focus on when things feel tough and might help you to feel more okay with your decision to stay.
Identify what it is that’s causing your unhappiness.
Getting really clear on this can help you determine if there are things you can do to make your job better or identify strategies for coping. So think about it: What specifically do you dislike? What is weighing most heavily on you? What are you currently doing to manage these things or to cope with the unhappiness in healthy ways?
Consider if there is anything you can change about what’s making you unhappy.
Ask for what you need. Don’t be afraid to have a conversation with your employer about what’s working and what’s not. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no, but you’ll never know unless you ask. For example, requesting a new desk location so you don’t have to sit next to that toxic person, asking to change your hours of work or the way you schedule your day so it fits your life better, requesting training to develop your skills in an area you’re struggling with, asking to re-evaluate your role, or asking for a raise.
Focus on the parts of your job you do enjoy.
You may think you hate absolutely everything about your job, but now that you’ve identified what specifically makes you unhappy you may realize there are parts of your job that aren’t so bad or that you might even enjoy. Which specific tasks do you enjoy? Do you have great coworkers? Do you set your own schedule? Are you paid well? Do you have a short commute? Is your favourite restaurant on the same street and you can easily go there for lunch? Do you have a lot going on in your personal life and this job pays the bills while requiring little energy or brain power? Try to focus on the small moments of enjoyment throughout your day or the things about your job you like doing when the unhappiness runs deep.
Find ways to do more of what you enjoy.
After determining if there are parts of your job you like, figure out how to build more of this into your daily routine. Can you take on a special project in line with your work interests? Can you arrange your workday so that you’re doing the things you enjoy at the best times for you? Do you have the option to trade off duties with others who enjoy the things that you don’t, working to each other’s strengths? Are there ways to collaborate more with the coworkers you enjoy being with? Can you find ways to bring fun into your workplace, for example starting a social committee or planning events or celebrations to look forward to? Are there professional development activities you can do? Can you arrange to have your breaks or lunch with your work bestie? Building in more things you like may help to balance out the negatives or give you more to look forward to during your day.
Accept what you cannot change.
Recognizing the situation as it is, and accepting what you have control over and what you don’t, can help you to find peace and give you the strength to show up everyday to do what you need to do. For example, if you dislike everything about your job but love the people you work with, try accepting the dislike and placing focus each day on interacting with your great coworkers and building those relationships. Or if your values don’t align with those of the company you work for, focus on how you can live out your values in the specific tasks that you do.
You may find it helpful to create a mantra to help you get through the challenging times. If you’ve never used a mantra before, it’s basically just a reminder that you say to yourself over and over, for example: “I’m here for the paycheque”, “I leave at the end of the day and I don’t think about my job at all”, “This job gives me the flexibility to take my kids to school every morning”, “Even though I don’t like it, I know what I’m doing and that makes it easy”, “I get to make an impact on the clients I work with”, “My work contributes to advancements in the industry”, “This job challenges me even if it’s not my ideal position”. Choose the reason you’re staying and turn it into a mantra.
It’s okay if you have to stay in a job you dislike for the right reasons. What’s most important is that you find ways of being happier at work if you can’t leave your job.
Going through these steps may help you feel better about going to work everyday because you know your reasons for staying and know that you’re doing everything you can to make it better for yourself. Meeting with a Career Counsellor or Coach can also give you that dedicated time and space to work through these questions, get your ideas out (and vent!) and to come up with a plan for implementing strategies to be happier at work.
Remember, you do have some control, whether you’re asking for what you need or focusing on what you do enjoy. And while doing these things doesn’t necessarily remove all the negative aspects that contribute to your unhappiness, they may make it easier to get through your day.
Learn to get to a place where you’re managing the situation, it’s not managing you. You are in charge of where you go from here.
~Ashley & Larissa
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